It’s official.  Mark it on the calendar, I’ve entered the terrible two’s.  How do I know?  All the signs are there.  I am chewing everything in sight and I’ve begun to cry like a banshee as soon as Jennifer leaves the house.  Apparently, this has caused quite a bit of disruption in Jen’s life; everything from calls from neighbors to calls from the landlord to visits from Chicago’s finest.  That’s right, one night the CPD came knocking on her door and when she opened it I starred at the incredibly large men in awe.  I thought to myself, “Who did they send?  Mark Nottoli?”

As you can imagine, this didn’t sit to well with Jen so she decided to get me an automatic shock collar.  It’s one of these God awful things that beeps when I howl and follows up with enough electricity to stop a Crystal Meth addict dead in his tracks.

Don’t tase me, bro!

I would like to take this opportunity to formally apologize to Jennifer.  I am sooooo sorry, please forgive me!  I would never intentionally do anything to make your life more difficult.  I was just expressing myself the best way I know how.  With that out of the way, I would like to pose an interesting question:  Does this shock collar violate my constitutional right to free speech?  Once more, is it cruel and unusual punishment?  Isn’t every dog entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of treats?